I had a moment today…
I listened to a voicemail and felt a whole flood of emotions wash over me. My
heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to break out of my chest. My
mind went foggy and I couldn't think straight. I had fear and anxiety and
resentment and anger and frustration coursing through my veins. So much so, my
breath felt tight and I couldn't get my words out properly.
The voicemail wasn't anything awful - nothing terrible had happened, my loved
ones were all ok. It was something related to a piece of work, a tiny thing
really, in hindsight. There'd been a change that impacted me but that I'd not
had the opportunity to have a conversation about, and it triggered something in
me massively. A boundary had been crossed for me and my body was letting me
know it, hard.
It happens, right?
But do you stop to notice the effect it has?
Do you realise that your emotions - chimp - elephant - whatever metaphor you
use - has taken over? That you are reacting, and not actually in a place where
you are able to respond effectively?
I gave myself time and space to pause, breathe, notice, think.
I also called an awesome friend, someone I trust completely, whose wisdom and
guidance I value immensely. I was able to sound out the experience, get their
perspective and observations on my reactions, and ground myself back into what
my emotions were telling me - what was important to me - and what I wanted to
do next.
It allowed me to get clear on my next steps, rather than rushing headlong,
emotions first. I was able to find a solution. I needed to have a rational,
professional, productive conversation about ways forward that resulted in a
win/win
THIS is what emotional intelligence is about. THIS is what it looks like in
your day-to-day experience. THIS is why it matters that we all invest in
building those skills
Everyday we encounter moments that trigger something within us.
When we are leading others, it becomes even more important to practise the
pause. Our actions and our responses have lasting consequences for ourselves
and those around us.
Finding a way forward
These are my top tips for navigating those
challenging moments
Create space in your day to be able to stop
and check in with yourself. Make sure you have time between meetings and tasks
where you can pause and reflect. Doing this will allow you to think more
clearly about how you respond to challenges that arise in your day.
Notice what is going on within your body.
Often our first clues are there – in our breath, or our heartbeat, in our
stomach or chest. Close your eyes and take a moment to notice the data your
body is sharing with you. We are fantastical creatures as humans and we can use
our breath to help regulate our emotional responses. One of the simplest ways
to restore calm in our bodies (and minds) is to make our out-breath longer than
our in-breath. You can use a simple count to help with this: breath in for a
count of 4, breath out for a count of 8. Try 3 rounds of this and see for
yourself the impact it has.
Remember there is another perspective. We each
see the world through our own unique lens and worldview and that colours the
way we see a situation. Our thoughts are not facts. Take a moment to notice
your thoughts and to challenge yourself with kindness and compassion to
recognise all of the other things that could be going on in the moment and in
the environment around you. It might even be helpful to sound this out with
someone you trust too.
And finally, consider working with a Coach. A
Coach can help to raise your self-awareness, set boundaries effectively, and
learn ways to regulate your emotional responses and navigate challenging
situations.
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